I've been saying I'm menopausing already what with the night sweats & weepiness, and the dreams I've been having are further proof.  I've had 2 more vivid dreams this week.  I only remember one, cause I waited too long to record the first one.  The one from this morning may have hidden meaning, but some of it for sure came from Heroes (of which I've been watching the dvds from season 1) and from my job search/conversations about my job search.

It all started out so simply...there I was folding shirts at Old Navy with the wife of a guy I acted w/ last fall.  And then work got out and I think I had to go to a party.  But my van wouldn't go, so I was pushing it by myself with the door open so I could steer.  Well I guess the van started to go, cause it started driving away without me!  I was kinda' scared because I was in a bad part of town.  I heard explosions and sirens and people were running,so I started flying...and I found my van...smashed completely into something but I don't recall what it was.  I don't remember clearly if it killed an older couple, or if I just talked to an older couple, but they were in there in some respect.  The rest is foggy.  I think I hid in someone's apartment so the police wouldn't find me.

I wish I had my own personal dream interpreter. I've had really strange vivid dreams the last 2 nights.

1. The first one is not as clear, but the part that puzzles me is that there was a baby. It was naked and I was holding it. I remember noticing how milky white and smooth it's skin was. It seems like I thought it was abandoned, and I didn't know where it was from. I think someone, it might have been one of my kids, suggested I tried nursing it, which I did. The baby drank, as they say, "lustily" and I remember feeling a huge feeling of relief and peace wash over me as it did. And then it seems like either I realized it was my own child or I realized it had chosen me as it's mother. Either way it was mine after all.


2. The second dream was pretty traumatic. There were really a lot of things going on, including some sort of reunion at a church which was actually a funeral, and me trying to drive my van up a very steep icy road onto an overpass, but missing part of the road as I turned right so that the rear right wheel was suspended in the air and I couldn't go any further. It seems like we must have been rescued (I was with the kids) because I don't remember falling.

Almost immediately in the dream I remembered not seeing or hearing from Jeshua in a while. When I found him he seemed fine, but then I noticed his side had been ripped open. He wasn't bleeding, but he surely must have because the wound was all the way down the left side of his torso, and there were severed veins/arteries that I kept trying to stick back inside the wound and hold the skin tight over it. I was holding him like a baby and he seemed so light, unbelievably light, like he had no weight at all! And I thought he must have lost all his blood and that was why he wasn't bleeding anymore and felt so light.

In the dream I found some people I knew that worked in hospitals and was asking if someone could suture him before he died of blood loss...but everyone seemed to be going so slowly! Finally I think Jamie showed up to take him to the hospital, but I realized Jeshua was sound asleep and I wondered if he was dying and it was too late. And that was the end of the dream.